If one should fall by DreamWeaver

Rating: R
Genres: Angst, Romance
Relationships: Harry & Hermione
Book: Harry & Hermione, Books 1 - 5
Published: 09/03/2004
Last Updated: 23/08/2004
Status: In Progress

After summer, Harry and Hermione return to Hogwarts to face a darkness more powerful than ever.
A very smutty darkfic full of fluffy angst. Please R&R. Many Pairings




1. An idyllic summer
--------------------

DISCLAIMER: I don't own anything here, all credit goes to J. K. Rowling, who, incidently, is
god. Song isn't mine either, it belongs to the Goo Goo Dolls, it's a killer song, you
should check it out sometime.

Author Notes: Don't worry, the whole fic isn't a song fic, just the first chapter. The rest
of the fic isn't as angsty as this first chapter either, so don't be turned away by the
original angst. This is my first fic, so reviews would be greatly appreciated. Thanks all.

WARNING: A major portion of this fic deals with self-mutilation, most specifically, with cutting.
Some of the details are rather graffic. If this bothers you, don't read, and please, if you are
someone who has been through this in the past and feel that this may trigger an episode, don't
read. There are plenty of other fics out there that are still just as dark and angsty that
won't deal with this, may I recommend those and not this one.


**Chapter 1**

An idyllic summer ended at last. Hermione had spent the whole summer in Little Whinging with Harry.
Her parents had moved there at the beginning of the summer in order to open their own
practice.


*And I'd give up forever to touch you
'Cause I know that you feel me somehow
You're the closest to heaven that I'll ever be
And I don't want to go home right now*


They'd spent the whole summer hiking, swimming, talking, and towards the end, snogging. It was
one of those unforgettable summers; one of those summers that made you forget the rest of the world
existed.


*And all I can taste is this moment
And all I can breath is you life
'Cause sooner or later it's over
I just don't want to miss you tonight*


Yes, Harry could forget...until late at night, when the nightmares came. Harry didn't sleep
anymore, and when he did, he was forced to watch his godfather die over and over and over again.
He'd wake up screaming and numb. That was when he'd steal under the loose board in his room
and pull out his blade. He'd watch the way it glinted in the moonlight, the cold metal
sparkling with dark promises of pleasures unknown. That blade had become his friend, his comforter.
In the terror of the night, he'd draw the blade across his arm, watching in fascination as a
thin red line chased the blade across his inner arm. The physical pain blocked the emotional
turmoil. He felt all the grief and sorrow drain out of him with each drop of blood that stained the
sheets.


*And I don't want the world to see me
'Cause I don't think that they'd understand
When everything's made to be broken
I just want you to know who I am*


Come morning, Harry was Harry again. Only Hermione suspected the depths of his pain. Only Hermione
saw the marks on his arms. They never spoke of it; it was an unspoken understanding. However,
school was rapidly approaching, and what with her duties as Head Girl, and his duties as Quidditch
Captain, she was afraid they were no longer going to be able to spend as much time together.
Without her to keep him afloat, she feared he would drown in his sea of pain.

Summer was drawing to a close, and in a few hours, they would be leaving for King's Cross
Station, where they would be leaving from Platform 9¾ to return to Hogwarts one final time. The
night before, Harry had had one of his nightmares, but not like the one he'd had all summer.
And when he awoke, he could have sworn his scare was aflame.

*********************************************************************************************************


**"My time draws near," he heard a voice say.

"If I am to take my place of power, we must crush the boy. Destroy him; body, heart, mind, and
soul. Strip him of his will to fight. Harry Potter must no longer care about anything, he must be
so devastated that life itself will not matter."

"But master...how are we going to do that when his will is so strong," answered a second
voice.

"The girl, you loathsome idiot, the girl. She is his weakness...she has his heart. The little
mudblood blinds him to the rest of the world; she makes him careless. We use the girl to get to
him. For him to suffer, the girl must, too."**


And then he saw a vision, ever so briefly, of a man in a long black hooded cloak with a stark white
mask. In his arms, he lovingly cradled a limp, lifeless Hermione Granger.

*********************************************************************************************************


*And you can't fight the tears that ain't coming
Or the moment of truth in your lies
When everything feels like the movies
Yeah, you bleed just to know you're alive*


Harry awoke with a start, covered in a cool sweat, sheets twisted and tied around him. The blade
slipped deeper that night than ever before.

"Just a little deeper," he thought, "if I'm dead, maybe they won't go after
her."

"But she needs me; if I'm dead, so is she, because if I'm dead, Voldemort wins and the
muggle born die."




**King's Cross Station**
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

They met at the station, and decided against waiting for Ron. They'd just meet up with him on
the train. They settled into their usual compartment, Harry pulled Hermione down onto his lap, and
they cuddled together on the window seat for a while. Harry reached down and titled her chin to
meet his own. He gently pressed his lips to hers, only to find her respond with a passion and
fervor that shocked him. He ran his tongue over her lips, silently pleading for access to the
sweetness within. She parted her lips and their tongues began an intricate dance of pleasure. Harry
drew back and nibbled on her bottom lip before blazing a trail of moist kisses down her jaw line
and drifting down to a spot on her neck he knew she liked. His hands slipped up under her shirt to
gently cup her breasts and worry her nipples between his thumb and index finger. She laid her head
back to give him better access to her neck and let out a soft, sensual moan.

"WHAT THE HELL," bellowed Ron, who had just slipped into the compartment.

Both Harry and Hermione jumped guiltily away from one another, straightening their clothing and
trying to explain to Ron.

"Wait, Ron...it's not," said Harry.

"Just let me explain," said Hermione.

"I. Don't. Care," snapped Ron, then he turned and stormed out of the room, slamming
the door behind him.

"Not exactly the way I pictured him finding out," said Harry



2. Ginny discovers
------------------

Disclaimer: I own nothing, J.K. Rowling is god, please don't sue me.

WARNING: See first chapter PLEASE

Hermione broke down into great heaving sobs.

"Oh Harry! How are we ever going to make this work? There are other people now, it’s not
just us anymore.”

“Shhh…baby, it’ll be okay. Ron was just surprised, that’s all. I know I would be if I were he.
Not to mention that’s probably not the scene you want to walk in on even if you do know about a
couple.”

“But he’s so angry now, you know how he gets when he’s angry about something.”

“It’s all going to work out, ‘Mione, I promise. Would you feel better if I went to talk to
him?”

“Could you, please, Harry? I just need to know he’s okay.”

“It’s gonna be alright, love, I swear.”

He gave her a soft kiss on the lips and used his handkerchief to wipe away her tears. He rose to
leave, and as he reached the door, Ginny stepped in.

“Oh, hi, Ginny,” he said.

“Hi guys! You wouldn’t happen to know what stick my dear brother has shoved up his arse, would
you? I think he just gave a couple of first years a month’s worth of detention before we ever even
left the platform.”

“Oh shit…’Mione, love, you up to explaining this to her while I go find Ron before he tries to
expel someone?”

“Yeah, I think I can handle Ginny here. Go…you might want to find Ron before Malfoy does or
we’re liable to be short a couple of prefects!”

Harry chuckled, relieved to see a smile on her face once again, and slipped out the door.

“So how was your summer, Ginny,” inquired Hermione.

“Pretty good, but I don’t think my summer explains why my brother is walking around ready to
Avada someone, or why I feel like I’ve stepped into an alternate dimension. I haven’t, have I?”

“Nope, no alternate dimensions, although that might be easier for you to believe. Why don’t you
take a seat?”

“Okay…”

“Now Ginny, you know I love you like a sister, and I would never do anything to hurt you…” began
Hermione.

“But Harry and I are dating,” finished Ginny. “Finally, I was beginning to think you guys would
never get your acts together.”

“Wait a minute, you knew,” Hermione exclaimed.

"It was obvious you guys were head over heels for one another, you were just to scared to
admit it to yourselves, let alone anyone else.”

“So, you’re not upset about this?”

“Oh, Hermione, I got over my hero worship years ago; Harry’s a great guy, but dating him would
be like dating Ron.”

“Ewwww…” they both said simultaneously.

“Speaking of Ron, you still haven’t explained why he’s on a war path. He didn’t take it that
poorly, did he?”

“Well, we probably could have broken it to him a little more gently. Harry and I kind of forgot
about where we were and things were getting a little carried away when Ron walked in.”

“Carried away? Oh…OH! Yeah…that would do it. You know, it’s not going to be easy for him to
accept; he loves you. He has for years; he’s just been too scared to admit it. Then, last year,
when Harry and you started showing obvious feelings for each other, he thought maybe Harry deserved
just one ray of sunshine in his life with all he had on his shoulders. He thought your love might
give him the strength he needed when the final battle came.”

“Oh my god, Ginny, I never knew. I just always had my nose buried in a book or something.”

“He knew that. He counted on that. He couldn’t bare it if you knew. He’d never speak to me again
if he knew I’d told you. I thought you should know though. Just take it easy on him; he’s doing his
best.”

“I feel horrid for letting him find out that way!”

“Don’t, Hermione, give him a couple of days and he’ll calm down. There’s a big difference
between accepting an idea and accepting an actual event.”

“If you say so…”

“So, Hermione…”

“So what?”

“Is Harry as good a snog as we thought he’d be?”

Hermione took her coat and threw it at Ginny, who caught it and proceeded to hold it for ransom
until such time as Hermione gave her the answers she wanted.

“I’m not going to tell you that; that’s private.”

“He is, isn’t he?”

“Well…no. He’s even better. Oh my god, Ginny, you don’t even understand, he’s incredible.”

“Biased opinion, I’m sure.”



3. Confrontations
-----------------

Disclaimers: I don't own it...please don't sue me. I don't have anything to give you
anyways

Warnings and A/N: Please see first chapter.


"I don't envy you this one love," thought Harry as he left the compartment. "I
don't care what you say, Ginny can be every bit as bad as Ron when you rub her the wrong
way!" He chuckled in his mind at that thought, remembering the the rows Ron and Ginny had had
over the years that her had ended up mediating. "Oh, there's the sweet cart...and no Ron;
well, there goes that theory."

Of a sudden, a monnotion further down the train caught his eye. He saw the familiar red hair, which
gave him a dead give away the he had found "his Wheezy" as Doby had so fondly referred to
him.

"What the hell's your problem, Weasel? Why don't you just sod off?"

And he'd found Malfoy, too. He quickly ran to where the disturbance was coming from.

"Oh, look Weasel, Potty's come to save you!"

"Shut it, Malfoy," said Harry.

"Sod off, Harry! I don't need your help...why don't you go back to snogging your
little girlfriend. I'm sure Hermione needs you much more than I do."

"Oh don't tell me...Potty and the Mudblood? Oh, that's rich..."

Instantly, Malfoy found himself slammed up against a wall; two wands pointed in his face.

"Take that back, Malfoy!"

"She's not a mudblood!"

It had come to light the preious summer that Hermione's biological background was not as she
had been led to believe. When Hermione's grandparents heard of the way she was being treated at
school, they decided to come clean. All four of Hermione's grandparents were pureblood Wizards.
When their children were born as Squibs, they decided to leave the magical world and live as m
uggles, and not tell their childrean about wizardry. The two families mey by coincidence, and
dicided the children would be encouraged to marry so that maybe the wizarding bloodline could be
continued. And sure enough...one of the brightest witches of modern times was created.

"Her parents are Squibs; her grandparents are pureblood Wizards!"

"Okay, okay, so the Mudblood's not a Mudblood, big deal, she's stillgot to be daft,
she's still dating Potty here."

"Oh, just stuff it, Ferrett," said Ron, "at least she's getting some, which is
more than I can say about you."

"Come on, Ron, he's not worth it. Let's just go before we hex him into oblivion and
get into loads of trouble."

Ron glared at Harry, but turned around and stormed off. With a final glance at Malfoy, "Not
hot," thought Harry, he turned and ran after Ron.

"Ron, wait up, please! I need to talk to you! I want to explain."

"You know, Harry, I really don't think I need an explanation, it was quite obvious what
was going on."

"Okay, maybe not an explanation, but I want to discuss this."

"What, discuss what, Harry? The fact that I just walked in to find and the only girl I'ive
ever loved practically shagging in the train compartment? Or that I taked second place to The Boy
Who Lived again? Or how about the fact that my two best friends are now so absorbed in one another
that they've completely forgotten about me? I made my decision a long time ago, and I'm
going to stand by that decision no matter how hard it is. Just go back to Hermione, Harry, she
needs you, you need her. I'll be fine, Harry, just let me be.

"Rond, why didn't you tell me any of these things? Hermione and I haven't forgotten
about you, we love you, things don't have to change for you. We want you to feel comfortable
around us."

"Give me time, let me adjust, we'll see after that."

"Okay, if you say so, Ron. I really wish you'd come back with me...Hermione is really
upset, and I don't think any more first years need a month long introduction to
Filch."

"I don't know..."

"I promise, no more shows, we'll keep our hands to ourselves."

"Maybe I'll come by later...not now though."

"Okay, mate, I'll see you later."

Harry headed back to the compartment thinking about the things Ron had said along the way.

"Oh great," he though, "another problem to deal with. Somehow, I get the feeling
this isn't over by a long shot."

He got back to the compartment, only to find Hermione sound asleep, Ginny was no where to be found.
He sighed, and settled in next to Hermione and gather her in his arms. She stirred lightly before
resettling and drifting back to a peaceful sleep. He watched her for a long while, before drifting
off gently to sleep himself.



4. Reunions
-----------

Disclaimer: I own nothing...please don't sue me.

WARNINGS: Please see first chapter .

~~Chapter 4: Reunions~~

A loud banging on the compartment door, followed by Ron yelling loudly, awaked both.

“I’m going to open the door now guys, you better be fully clothed. I’m stepping inside now.”

Both Harry and Hermione snickered as Ron walked in, one hand covering his eyes.

“I hope everyone’s decent in here, I’m going to uncover my eyes now.”

He slowly uncovered his eyes, warily peaking through his fingers, as if frightened of what he
would see.

“Hey ‘Mione,” said Harry, “check out that huge spider over there!”

That did it; Ron was in motion in seconds.

“Spider! What spider? Where?”

Harry and Hermione broke down into gales of laughter.

“Chill, Ron, there’s no spider, I got you to uncover your eyes and look around though.”

Ron couldn’t help but smile at that. Hermione jumped up and threw her arms around Ron.

“Oh, Ron, I’m so sorry! Can you forgive us?”

“Consider it done, just please pay attention to your surroundings from now on, I really don’t
want an encore performance.”

“Amen to that my friend,” said Harry, “hey Herm, you planning on letting go of him anytime soon,
or should I be getting jealous?”

Hermione blushed and slowly pulled away from Ron. They spent the rest of the ride talking, and
soon ambled on to the topic of the new DADA teacher.

“You mean you guys haven’t heard yet? I though you would have been the first to know, Harry,”
said Ron, “You get the Daily Profit, don’t you Herm?”

“Well, yeah, but I really haven’t been concerned with reading it this summer,” she replied
sheepishly.

“Honestly! You guys really need to quit trying to locate each other’s tonsils and join the real
world for a while. Snape made a few ‘accidental’ modifications to the Wolfsbane potion and stumbled
upon the cure for lycanthropy. Lupin’s back!”

A whole ocean of emotions flowed through Harry, threatening to drown him in them. With Sirius
gone, Lupin was the closest thing he had to family, and now he was back. Harry couldn’t help but
get the feeling that things were about to change drastically for him. When Sirius was in his life
during his fifth year, he had taken on the role of father with Harry, which included disciplining
Harry when he felt it necessary. Somehow, he knew Lupin would feel the same way.

“Earth to Harry, come in, Harry”

“Hmmm….?”

“You kinda spaced out on us there.”

“Oh, did I? I’m sorry, I was just thinking.”

“I’m surprised you haven’t gone bounding out of her to find him by now.”

“Well, it’s been a long while since I have seen him, and it could be kind of awkward. I’ll go
see him later tonight.”

“Are you okay, Harry,” Hermione asked quietly, “you look a little pale there.”

“Yeah, Yeah, I’ve fine, just a bit of a shock. I’m sure I’ll be okay.”

“You know, we really should be getting dressed in our robes, we’ll be getting to the school
soon.”

Hermione gathered her roves and turned to leave, but Harry grabbed her by the arm and turned her
to face him.

“What, no goodbye kiss?”

“Oh, Harry, I’m not sure that’s such a good idea, I mean…”

“Hermione, Shut up!”

At this, Harry pressing his lips to hers effectively shut up Hermione. She tensed and started to
resist, but soon she melted into his arms and allowed his tongue access to her mouth. Just as they
both started to lose themselves in the kiss,

“Merlin, guys, give me a break, save it for her room tonight!”

Hermione giggled and scooted out of the room, narrowly missing a smack on the bum from
Harry.

It wasn’t long before they arrived at the school and proceeded to the Great Hall for the
Welcoming Feast.

They sat through the standard announcements and sorting ceremonies, and Harry began to grow
bored. He slid his hand under the table and placed it on Hermione’s knee. After a few moments, he
slowly began to slide his hand up her leg, under her skirt. He chuckled inwardly at the shocked
look on Hermione’s face. Her took his other hand and began to massage her neck and shoulders until
he felt her relax. He knew Hermione loved the thrill of doing something when they had a high
probability of getting caught.

His fingers drifted up and ghosted across the crotch of her panties. He began to toy with the
edges of her panties, hesitant because they’d never been that far before.

He leaned over and whispered, “You okay, with this, love? I’ll stop if you want me to.” Her only
response was to pull out her wand and whisper an incantation. Harry was shocked to find her panties
had disappeared. He slipped his finger into her warm moist folds and smiled at the look of absolute
rapture she was trying to hide. He gently slid one finger inside of her and began to slide it in
and out. Just as he was beginning to slide in a second finger, Ron interrupted them.

“Guys! Aren’t you going to eat? Food’s here.”

They both laughed as Harry reluctantly withdrew his hand from its ministrations and gave
Hermione a chaste kiss on the lips before digging in. Other than a few comments from the student’s,
the rest of the feast went without event.



5. Tragic endings
-----------------

Disclaimer: I own nothing, please don’t sue me, I don’t have anything to give anyways.

WARNINGS: In addition to the standard first chapter warnings, I would like to say that the end
of this chapter depicts a rather graphically violent and disturbing scene, proceed with caution if
blood and such makes you squeamish.

**Chapter Five-Tragic Endings**

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

As soon as the welcoming feast was over, Harry walked Hermione to her new Head Girl dormitories.
One of the biggest privileges of being Head Girl was private dormitories and common room, also not
protected by gender wards, the theory being that the Head Boy and Girl were responsible enough not
to need them. But it was also an unspoken tradition that when the Head Boy or Birl were involved in
a serious relationship, a blind eye was turned to the comings and goings of their significant
other, whom often ended up almost moving into the private dorms.

He kissed her goodnight and told her he would come back later, after he went to find Lupin. He
went down to Lupin’s rooms and knocked quietly on the door. When Lupin opened the door and let
Harry in, Harry looked at him for a moment before running into Lupin’s arms. As Lupin held him
there, he felt the tears come for the first time. At first, he felt a lone tear or two fall, but it
was as though a dam had broken and he was soon sobbing uncontrollably. Lupin picked him up and
carried him over to an overstuffed arm chair where he cradled Harry and let him cry. Lupin muttered
nonsense words of comfort to him while rubbing his back and his hair.

Slowly, much later, his sobs subsided and his breathing evened back out and he raised his face
to look at Lupin.

“Hi, Lupin.”

“Hi, Harry. Feeling a little better now?”

“No, but I’m happy you’re here. I miss my family...you and Sirius and everyone else. I think
that’s the first time I let go and cried since he died, I don’t know what happened. I’m sorry, I
didn’t mean to come down here and fall apart.”

“Shhh...it’s okay, don’t ever feel like you’re imposing by depending on me. I love you, and I
plan on helping you just as Sirius did.”

“Are you...Are you going to, umm...” his voice faded off.

“Yes, Harry, now more than ever you need to feel like someone cares enough to set limits for
you, and if and when you push those limits, I will discipline you. I will discipline you because I
love you and I think that people have given you too many breaks, you need to learn that the rules
apply to you the same as they do everyone else. But enough about that, I love you, and it’s late.
You need to get to bed.”

“Night, Lupin.”

“Night, Harry, we’ll talk more this weekend.”

Harry left Lupin then, with very mixed feelings about Lupin being back. He didn’t want to think
about it though; he wanted to find Hermione and go to sleep.

He reached her dorms, and gave the password to the giggling faeries in her portrait. He entered
to find her sleeping on the couch. Apparently she had fallen asleep while waiting for him. He
picked her up and carried her to her bed. He tucked her in and was startled by a voice from behind
him. He turned to the fireplace to see Lupin’s head residing there.

“L-L-Lupin!”

“Relax, Harry, I’m not upset. We kind of figured you’d be staying here. We decided we trusted
you enough to allow it. Your things are already in your chambers across the hall. Don’t make us
regret this decision.”

With that, the head spun and was gone. Harry went across to his chambers and changed into
pajamas. He then padded back across the hall and slid in and snuggled up next to Hermione.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“No...No...’Mione!”

Harry snapped awake, briefly taking note that he hadn’t woken Hermione. The pain was back, the
darker Harry had taken over. He walked to his room and pulled the blade out of his trunk. There was
no reverence for the blade tonight, he just began slashing his arms, first one, then the other. He
heard a little sob from behind him. It barely registered in his current state of mind.

“Harry, stop it, please! Let me help you, you don’t have to do this.”

“Hermione, go back to bed. This doesn’t concern you; you don’t understand.”

Hermione turned and left the room, going to her room. She sat and cried for a few moments,
before grabbing a handful of Floo powder and called Lupin.

“Lupin, wake up! I need your help with Harry, it’s an emergency.”

Seconds later, Lupin stepped through the fireplace in Hermione’s room. Wordlessly, he followed
her to Harry’s room. The sight he saw horrified him. There was blood all over, the blade had
clattered to the floor and Harry was lying there, unconscious. The blade had slipped too deep.



6. New Beginnings
-----------------

Disclaimer: You know what, surprise, surprise, they’re not mine!! And I’m completely wasting my
afternoons writing this, cause I’m not getting paid for it either, so don’t sue me, please, I don’t
have any money to give you anyways.

WARNINGS: Okay, no more referring you to the first chapter for the warnings, I just want to put
it out there. THIS STORY CONTAINS CUTTING AND SUICIDE THEMES. Most scenes are very graphic and
somewhat disturbing; if it’s not your thing, please don’t read. I’m getting tired of the reviews
saying “that’s so sick” or “it’s a good story, but I really didn’t like the whole cutting thing”
and then people giving me really low ratings because of it. It’s there, and it’s not pretty, you’ve
been warned.

Author’s notes: I want to give a big thank you to all my reviewers. This is my first fic I
wrote, and I’m really trying to make it something that people will want to read, you know. For
those of you who expressed concerns about the cutting, it is here to stay, it’s a major theme in
this story, and it probably will always remain just as graphic. Unfortunately (or fortunately, how
ever you want to look at it), I write from experience, so it’s hard for me not to describe it the
way I do. And after being through it myself in my past, and now working with so many others in the
same situation, I just really see it as something that the OotP and post-OotP Harry has the
characteristics for. But don’t worry, there’s going to be smut and romance abound as well, just as
soon as I get it written. I’m not sure how long it’s going to be between updates, probably not
really regular, I work full time and go to school full time, so I write when I feel the inspiration
(usually at 3 a.m. the day of a big test or something). Thanks all, and Blessed Be.

*****New Beginnings*****

Hermione broke down. She was very close to hysterics. Meanwhile, Lupin felt all his instincts
from the first war kick in. He grabbed on to Hermione and turned her around with her back to Harry.
Holding her shoulders tightly in his hands, he spoke to her firmly, almost harshly.

“Hermione, look at me! Focus, now! This is not the time to panic. I need you to go back to your
room and Floo Albus and Poppy, tell them just what you told me; that there’s been an emergency with
Harry and that we need their assistance. Do Not tell them he is hurt, and you Must remain calm. We
don’t know what has happened here, and we don’t know who’s monitoring the Floo network!”

Hermione was still frozen, even if she was no longer hysterical. She was going into shock.

“Hermione, go, NOW!” Lupin roared. At hearing Lupin’s voice so intense, she snapped into action.
Within seconds, Albus and Poppy were in with Lupin and Harry. Poppy began to tend to Harry and
immediately cast a stasis spell. It was then that she noticed his arms. Her rage became clearly
evident in her face.

“Why was I not informed of this? This boy needed help; had I been told, he wouldn’t be like this
now!”

“Hold on a moment, Poppy. Why weren’t you informed of what? I was unaware Harry had any physical
ailments.”

“Not physical, mental. See these marks, these are self inflicted injuries, and they’ve been here
for MONTHS! This poor child has been so lost in his grief that YOU, Albus, insisted we let him cope
with on his own, that he has been hurting himself to attempt to deal with the pain.” Without
waiting for a response, she began to levitate him to the hospital wing, with Lupin and Albus close
behind.

“How extensive is the damage, Poppy?” inquired Albus.

“He’s lost a lot of blood, not to mention any of the muscle damage he may have caused to his
arm.”

“Can he be salvaged?”

“I just don’t know Albus, he’s a boy, not a weapon, he’s a living being, I just can’t say if I
can pull him through or not.” She entered the hospital wing and immediately began her work. Lupin
grabbed on to Dumbledore’s arm and stared him straight in the eye.

“If that boy dies, Albus…”

“War causes casualties, Remus. You know this, young Harry knows this, we just have to accept
what comes.”

“Merlin help you, if that boy dies, I will rip you limb from limb with my bare hands, werewolf
or not,” Lupin hissed, and turned to enter the hospital wing.

Albus turned, but instead of heading to the hospital wing, he returned to the head girl’s rooms
to speak with Hermione. Upon entering, he found Hermione in the common room, just staring blankly
into an empty fireplace. He sat down in a chair across from her, and studied her for a moment.’

“Have a lemon drop, my dear,” he said, nearly forcing one into her hand. It was common knowledge
that Albus’ lemon drops were laced with a calming draught, but Hermione thought that maybe she
could use a bit of a calming draught at this point.

“We have to talk, my dear,” began Albus. Hermione just kind of almost laughed. If that wasn’t
the understatement of the century.

“How long?” asked Albus.

“How long, what? How long has he hated himself? How long has he wished he didn’t have to
continue? How long has he wanted to DIE?” replied Hermione, her anger beginning to stumble through
the fog of emotions she was surrounded in.

“Calm down. How long has he been hurting himself like this?”

“Oh, that. Well, I guess that depends on what you classify as hurting himself. He began at the
beginning of the summer just scratching himself with his nails, barely even breaking the skin. But
it got progressively worse, and by a month or so into the summer, I started to notice the real
marks, the ones that left those scars.”

“So why didn’t you owl me? You know the Order moved you and your parents there so you could help
watch him. All summer this has been happening, and I never heard a word. Surely you could see that
this wasn’t right?”

“He’s lost everything he can put his faith in. You, Sirius, and when he started dating me, he
felt he’d lost Ron, too. The boy had no one. You couldn’t expect me to tell you and let you come
whisking in there, and take away his faith in the one person he still trusts, did you? He Trusts
Me. I don’t care what else there is, I won’t take that from him, I won’t break his heart
again.”

“I trusted you, Miss Granger. I trusted you enough to move you and your family this summer, I
trusted you enough to allow Harry to stay with you in these rooms, even though he wasn’t Head Boy,
I trusted you enough to watch over him, and TELL ME what was going on!”

“Just as Harry trusted you, you bastard? Harry trusted you to tell him what was going on in his
life! He knew NOTHING before he came here and all he had was the information you fed him, and then
you manipulated him to your whims and desires. You only told him what you felt it was necessary for
him to know. Yeah, trust is a wonderful thing, SIR!”

“MISS GRANGER! No matter what your problems with me may be, now matter what my past
indiscretions, I am still the Headmaster of this school, and you will treat me as such, with
RESPECT,” roared Dumbledore, “I will see you in my office first thing tomorrow morning to discuss
this matter further. Goodnight!” In a matter that reminded Hermione very much of Snape, he spun
around and in a flurry of bellowing robes, he was gone, leaving her to wonder precisely what in the
hell she had done.



7. Author
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8. Author
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Author’s Note: I would just like to say that this story has not been abandoned…it is being
extensively reworked, and will probably be reposted in all its newfound glory here soon. I started
this story almost two years ago, and to say it has matured with time would be an understatement. I
am currently looking for a beta reader, not only to bat around ideas with, but to help kick me in
the ass and get this story done. I want to mention a couple of things though…this story will remain
with the same dark themes, possibly written even darker than before (I have a passion for all
things dark and gloomy), and I also wanted to make a note to those who have said my Dumbledore was
rather OOC…I feel that my Dumbledore probably is rather OOC for pre-OotP, but we have just begun to
see Dumbledore’s manipulative side, as well as his temper. And we must remember here, this is
Dumbledore’s third dark war…he has taken down Grindewald, and already faced Voldemort once in his
lifetime, the man is bound to have become somewhat hardened and jaded to the casualties of war, as
benevolent as he may seem, we must remember there is a side we are only beginning to see, a side
that as much as we may not like it, we are finding he is somewhat reluctant, but willing, to
sacrifice Harry for the greater good. That is where my Dumbledore comes from. I will hopefully be
getting this reposted soon however, and thank you all who have reviewed and cheered me on.



